Book of Broccoli
by Exotos135
Summary: After stumbling into an odd scene with Lucy and a broccoli, Lisa heads to the poet's room and finds the source is... a Princess Pony book? Rated T just to be sure.


**Hi everybody, Exotos135 here with a little one-shot, this time focusing on Lisa! You know, the no-nonsense toddler genius of the family? She doesn't believe in anything that doesn't have concrete evidence, or lack of logic, but what if she, for any reason, found something that she had no idea was real or not... and got so into it she forgot about that fact?**

 **This is what we'll see today, with a peculiar little book.**

 **But, I ain't spoiling anything, you gotta see it yourself. And remember, have a good day!**

* * *

A bizarre scene took place in the Loud house, for it's resident genius Lisa Loud wasn't doing experiments, but rather heading to the kitchen, looking for something to eat.

Oh, and also some sort of ritual between Lucy and some broccoli. Nothing out of the ordina-

Wait, what?!

"Oh great Livia, Alicornian Lady of Life itself, please forgive these ignorant equines-turned-broccoli, and return them to their former animalistic forms, before they lose their minds and become nutritional life forms!" Lucy prayed, only to shake her fist as she yelled, "Come on, you arrogant equine old hag, we got lives to save here!"

"Lucy, in general, I would just chalk this current scenario up to your usual weirdness and go away," Lisa remarked, sighing before she added, "But this time, I gotta ask, what are you doing?"

"I'm performing a ritual in order to turn this broccoli back to It's beautiful equine form, of a unicorn," Lucy stated in her usual deadpan tone. And Lisa could somehow tell the goth was being completely serious. "It's the only way I can save the equine creature from It's horrible punishment done by their alicorn overlord."

"Is it sad that I wasn't expecting her response to bring up even more questions?" Lisa whispered to herself while she looked at the ceiling, only to turn back to Lucy with a stern look. "And where did you even get this outlandishly ridiculous idea?"

Lucy turned around and frowned. "If you can't believe my reasoning, what makes you think you can believe my explanation?"

"Good point," Lisa folded her arms. "But still, is there any way I can get some context for what's going on?"

"If you want any context for what I'm doing, you'll have to go upstairs to my and Lynn's bedroom," Lucy sternly stated. "I wouldn't go there unless you're immune to Lynn's smell and able to resist some horrifying imagery."

Lisa rolled her eyes. "First of, from what I've heard, Lynn no longer goes to her room after intense exercise sessions, thanks to some stupid superstition she developed for some reason."

"Totally worth it," Lucy snickered under her breath.

"And second, several of our siblings have already been exposed to these horrifying imagery you're talking about," the prodigy continued. "And they told me that they're really just very crude, very badly drawn pictures."

"It's called artistic liberty!" Lucy snapped, actually sounding offended for once. "Besides, if I replicated the drawings perfectly, then I could end up summoning some interdimensional monster from... well, another dimension! Are you really willing to take that risk?!"

Lucy stood up and grabbed the discontent Lisa by the neck of her shirt. "Are you willing to doom the world, or at least Royal Woods, by summoning an interdimensional monster, just to get some pretty pictures!?"

Lisa rolled her eyes and pushed Lucy off. "I'll just help myself to you and Lynn's bedroom before I get a migraine."

So the scientist left the kitchen, went upstairs, and straight into the goth and jock's room. Once there, she headed straight for Lucy's side of the bedroom, and once there, all she really saw was a lot of crumbled up poems-most being classical Lucy-levels of terrible-and one book about the Princess Pony series-

Wait, what?

"What's a Princess Pony book doing in Lucy's part of the room? Perhaps... Lincoln actually managed to get Lucy to become a fan of this series, just like he is!" Lisa pondered as she grabbed the book and took a closer look at it. "Either that, or Lucy's the real fan and she convinced Lincoln to take the fall for her. Either way, that girl will have some explaining to do when I'm done reading this thing."

Lisa opened the book and skirmed through the pages, trying to find anything that could give her a clue as to the origin of Lucy's baffling ritual. However, once she skirmed through the whole book and failed to find anything too obvious, she came to a sad conclusion: She had to read the whole thing, page by page, in order to find something. Probably nausea.

"Ugh, the things that have to be done just so logic can return to our pitiful world," Lisa whined, rubbing her forehead. "Let's just hope I don't end up hurling out that snack Lynn offered to me yesterday, that thing was already hard enough to swallow as it is!"

And so, Lisa started to read it, picturing the events as they happened as well.

 _Inside the story..._

" _It was a peaceful day in Equinopolis, home of the unicorns, pegasi, and horses. It had other residents as well, but those weren't that important._ "

The image that Lisa pictured was about said equine creatures running around and having fun. Nothing too bad so far, but this being a story _Lucy_ liked, things would probably go very wrong, very soon.

" _These equine creatures lived under the rule of Livia, the Alicornian Queen of Life, who was so important that her name and title had to be capitalized for some reason._ "

An alicorn, supposedly Livia, sat on a throne while the equines bowed down to her in respect.

" _Every decade or so, the ponies, pegasi, and unicorns had to give Livia some offerings to convince her to continue helping them grow crops, cure sickness, and other things that the equine creatures supposedly couldn't do alone._ "

Livia continued to sit on her throne as some of the creatures gave their offerings: A plate of fruit, some sewing materials, and... a baby unicorn?

" _Food, materials, even children, Livia wasn't picky, as long as she got something._ "

Livia closed her eyes and smiled, though in a... shady manner.

" _However, one fateful day, a great tragedy occurred._ "

The tragedy was depicted next as a pony stood in front of Livia, with no offering.

" _This tragedy was that a certain equine creature was foolish enough to not bring an offering, and instead, she demanded to know why they needed to even give her offerings, if she was an "eternal ruler" and a supposedly omni-benevolent as well._ "

The next image depicted Livia shooting a laser from her horn towards the pony.

" _Rather than answer the question, Livia simply used her powers to punish the pony by transforming them into something horrible._ "

Next image showed what this something horrible was.

" _Broccoli._ "

The next image showed the nearby ponies falling on their knees, pleading for their lives.

" _Horrified, the equine inhabitants of her land fell on their knees and pleaded for their queen to forgive them._ "

Livia narrowed her eyes and growled.

" _But it was too late, for their actions had convinced the queen that they couldn't be forgiven. And that they had to be punished._ "

The next image showed Livia's horn glowing, while the equine inhabitants either screamed in terror, or tried to run away.

" _And punished they were, and as Livia stated..._ "

Livia's eyes glew and she opened her mouth wide, revealing a mouth filled with sharp teeth.

" _You desire to grow crops?! Then you yourself shall be the crop!_ "

Livia shot a laser at the offending equines, and they all turned into broccoli as well.

" _Helpless to stop the divine alicorn, and they all screamed and shrieked for help as their bodies were forcefully, painfully turned into broccoli, which just so happened to be the most common breakfast food in the land._ "

The image changed, showcasing Livia coming to the city hall while carrying a pair of barrels filled with... broccoli.

" _Not one to stop at a mere polymorphism, Livia went on to the hall, and delivered a pair of barrels filled with the broccolis that used to be her offending servants._ "

Next picture showed Livia lifting her legs up and exclaiming something in joy.

" _Rise up, my servants!" Livia exclaimed in delight. "Feed upon thy food I bring upon you, and may it both feed you to the fullest extent your stomach may let you..._ "

 _Back in reality..._

"But also convince you to never defy me again-" Lisa closed the book and put it down before slowly backing away from it, "Eugh, I can't read that thing anymore! Is that seriously supposed to be a cutesy sweet story?!"

"Lisa?!"

The Prodigy shrieked and jumped before she turned around and saw Lucy standing close to the door. "L-Lucy! It's not what you think!"

Lucy put her hands on her cheeks and whined, "Oh no, you read my fanfiction?!"

"Fanfiction?!" Lisa closed the book and showed it to her gothic sibling. " _This_ is fanfiction?!"

"Lisa, the illustrations in the actual books are much better than the ones in the book you just read," Lucy reached for her back and took out an official Princess Pony book. "Here, take a look."

Lisa took a quick look at the first page of the official book, and she was utterly amazed by the quality of the art she saw. Then she turned back to Lucy's "fanfiction" and, yeah, it looked like a bunch of crude crayon drawings in comparison.

"Oh wow, that's really high quality stuff," the prodigy pointed at the broccoli book. "But still, this is just fanfiction you wrote?"

"Yes, I mean, do you expect such things to be seen in a series like Princess Pony?" Lucy put her hands on her hips and shook her head. "I thought you were the smartest one in the house, for crying out loud."

 _Meanwhile, at Luan and Luna's bedroom..._

"Hahaha!" Luan chuckled out loud.

"Why did you laugh just now, dude?" Luna inquired, solely focused on adjusting her guitar.

"My "accidental pun" senses were tingling," Luan answered. "You know I can't control my laughter when that happens."

 _Back at Lucy and Lynn's bedroom..._

"I guess I should've seen it coming," Lisa sighed. "I mean, imagine the scandal there would be if something as dark as your fanfiction actually happened in the canonical series. People would be traumatized by it, or so I assume. Could you please keep this a secret?"

Lucy folded her arms. "Only if you promise me not to tell Lynn about what you saw today!"

"You mean she doesn't know already?" the prodigy pointed out. "I mean, you're roommates, It's only natural that she'd be the only one in the family who knew you liked this book series."

"Well, I've made sure to be extra careful when hiding any traces of the series," Lucy smiled with pride. "I generally put it under my bed or my pillow, or other places where it would be easy for me to find."

Lisa pinched the bridge of her nose. "That just makes me concerned Lynn's a bit too focused on the brawn, and not the brain."

Lucy internally laughed at the comment.

"So, nothing in this book actually happened in the series?" Lisa inquired. "Wait, before I forget: I found this fanfiction in your room, and I couldn't help but remember that Lincoln was the one who said was a fan of this series. So what are _you_ doing writing fanfiction for it? Did Lincoln request it? And don't lie to me!"

Seeing she had no other choice, Lucy twiddled her fingers as she explained: "I'm the fan. I wrote this to try and spice things up a little for myself. Lincoln's not really a fan, he just said that to take the fall for me."

"So, you've been a fan all along... and I didn't figure it out until now," Lisa facepalmed. "Good lord, I feel so stupid now..."

"It's okay, I'm sure every single one of our siblings feels like that once in a while," Lucy scratched her chin. "Heck, Leni probably feels like that all the time."

"Well, whatever, I got my answers, and I don't wanna be closer to that book or know how much more you're planning for it, so I'm outta here," Lisa remarked as she walked to the exit, only to stop and ask, "One more question: How in the name of logic did you come up with such a messed up premise?"

"Simple, I took you and our other siblings' dislike of broccoli and decided to make it creepy," Lucy shrugged. "It's such a common practice in the world of fiction, it would've been weirder if I hadn't thought of it."

Not wishing to dig any deeper into the lore of how Lucy got the idea for the book, Lisa just signed off and walked away before closing the door, allowing the goth to continue working on her creepy fanfiction.


End file.
